A - Multiple Viewing Possibilities
B - Deserves Another Look
C - Once Should Suffice

HAIRSPRAY
With Divine, Deborah Harry, Sonny Bono, Ricki Lake, Ruth Brown, Pia Zadora
Directed by John Waters
John Waters’ big step into mainstream bigtime after the less crazy Polyester (that got released with smell-o-vision scratch & sniff cards!) This is also Ricki Lake’s big breakthrough (leading to her appalling talk show). Waters takes great joy in making a 50’s movie his way as a group of teens are all hyped up for a dance TV show. Racial relations make a big turn here and though it has little of the early Waters gross-outs, his style is still in tact.
5 / B
- PB

HALLOWEEN
With Jamie Lee Curtis, Donald Pleasence, PJ Soles, Nancy Loomis, Charles Cyphers
Directed by John Carpenter
The classic babysitter fright fest begins here. John Carpenter's first big hit is still a perfect example of maximum effect from minimum resources. The suburban town of Haddonfield becomes a slaughterhouse when years after being locked up in a mental institution for killing his sister one Halloween night, Michael Myers escapes and returns home for a bloody anniversary. One particular unwitting babysitter becomes the target of this madman (with a proclivity for huge butcher knives), and the doctor who treated Michael tracks him back to his hometown. This film also launched the career of Jamie Lee Curtis as one of the first new breed of Scream Queens (her pedigree being Tony Curtis and one of the original Scream Queens, Psycho actress Janet Leigh). Pleasence also became a Carpenter favourite. Made on a shoestring, the director utilized great scares, atmospheric cinematography and a fine cast to turn this menacing night of horror into a believable thrill - Carpenter's classic minimalist soundtrack also synonymous with the film's creepy mood. The masked killer became the basic premise for thousands of films after this, not to mention a bunch of sequel spin-offs.
6 / A
- PB

HALLOWEEN RESURRECTION
With Sean Patrick Thomas, Tyra Banks, Jamie Lee Curtis, Busta Rhymes
Directed by Rick Rosenthal
Where to begin…if only I could end it before even bothering! In fact, it's about time they lay Michael Myers to rest as this series has raped the original masterpiece by John Carpenter far too many times. This time round a bunch of college tossers enter the old Myers house for a live webcast. Oh, guess who's still not a goner - yep, Michael. He knocks the annoying twats off one by one, yawn by yawn. Simply don't bother - the best part of the movie is John Carpenter's classic theme tune.
1 / C
- PB

HANNIBAL
With Anthony Hopkins, Julianne Moore, Gary Oldman, Ray Liotta
Directed by Ridley Scott
It's been a decade's wait for cinemagoers to get another taste of the dark relationship between serial killer Hannibal Lecter and FBI agent Clarice Starling, since Jonathan Demme's brought the Harrison characters to life in the award winning Silence Of The Lambs, setting the world on fire. Author Harrison's long anticipated follow-up is a delicious blend of suspense, drama, black humour and selective, well timed gore. Scott was a fine choice to direct this sequel while Jodie Foster is hardly missed once Julianne Moore gets on a roll (which is from the outset). Gary Oldman (and his make-up team) does an absolutely remarkable job as the Hannibal ex-victim also on his trail. Gut wrenching and mind blowing scenes (to be taken literally) punctuate the film in well-paced segments of tension building, its long running time not even felt in the butt muscle. A source who'd read the book, filled me in that the adaptation is pretty accurate, give or take a condensation of several events into one and the deletion of sub plots like body building lesbians (!). Where this could have gone wrong so easily (it being Hollywood and all), the production staff from producer to caterer pulling together to make it one of the cooler thrillers so far this year.
5 / A
- PB

HARDY BOYZ The Movie
The Hardy Boyz DJ team's tour around South Africa was video taped. The clubs include Escape, Truth, Evolution, and The Gallery across the main provinces. The tracks used (as you see the same old club scenarios) include Unique (Unite), J&D Inc. (Something Real), Protexion (Shh…Be Quiet, as well as The Prophet), The Marksmen (Do Not Attempt), M&M (The Jedi), DJ Stealth (Supernova), Dominator X (Killa Machine), Prodigal Sons (The Game), and Speedy (The Rhythm). If this music does nothing for you, it's highly unlikely that you'd be sold over by the visuals - unless you like to see people trying to pull their best moves out for the camera, but far more often than not failing miserably, many also trying to look hot and sexy for the camera - not. You can decide which province has the hottest ladies - on the male side our country doesn't have much to offer. Thankfully some mid-rifts are left covered up, while other shockers let it all roll out. From folks out to dance their asses off to E-babies, inebriated boozers, and members of the RJL / Edgars / Truworths club, they're all out in full force. But, you can only sit and watch crap club music for that long with people trying to shake their booties while staring at two guys on a podium playing other people's music at them. Yet, they arrived in droves, so they must do be doing something that connects, be it fuelled by natural or synthetic chemicals. The bald Hardy's favourite pose is the fingers in the air poke and hand clapping - the classic DJ cheerleader routine. They could've at least included music videos of the tracks used or a Hardy Boyz interview as bonus material for those who want a deeper insight - but then perhaps there isn't one and it is what it is... The biggest buying group for this release is definitely those who attended the parties - they'll get to try and spot themselves and their friends.
2 / C
- PB

HARRY POTTER and The Chamber Of Secrets
With Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson, Kenneth Brannagh, Robbie Coltrane, Alan Rickman, Richard Harris, Maggie Smith
Directed by Chris Columbus
With the overwhelming success of the first filmed version of the J.K. Rowling characters, what's the chance that they'd leave it at that? Slim to none. This time round Harry is relieved to return to Hogwarts from his terrible uncle & aunt, only to be welcomed by a nasty dark cloud hanging in the halls of his witchcraft & wizardry school. The rumour of a Chamber Of Secrets built to be opened and be the end of Hogwarts has become a reality. People are starting to turn up petrified like salt pillars and Harry seems like the most likely suspect causing the havoc. With his buddies Ron and Hermoine they set out to get to the bottom of the dangerous mystery. This will be a bit more scary for younger Potter fans as some monster and spider related creepy moments could even freak out some older viewers. Obviously there is plenty of adventurous moments, juvenile laughs, scares and over the top digital FX to satisfy fans and newcomers alike. Most of the previous cast returns (even John Cleese as the ghost roaming the halls with a detachable head). Kenneth Brannagh does a humourous turn as a celebrity wizard who teaches at the school. Sadly veteran actor Richard Harris died before the film's release. Interesting how (just like last year) Harry Potter and Lord Of The Rings get released back to back - here a few similarities are quite uncanny - a Golom like elf called Dobby (digital of course) and a living tree (beating the crap out of the flying Anglia when Ron and Harry crash into it). But now, the question remains, how many more Potter films will actor Radcliffe be able to do before his voice breaks completely and stubble starts sprouting between his zits. It will probably become like the James Bond franchise, new actors drifting through and the series outrunning the actual books it is based on. This is not unlikely as this series is bound to outdo the 007 earnings…and unfortunately that has become the bottom line. As long as it remains entertaining we can forgive their capitalist greed...
4 / B
- PB

HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE
With Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson, Robbie Coltrane, Richard Harris
Directed by Chris Columbus
Finally another magical youth hero for children raised in a world of unrelenting sex and violence. As a baby, Harry's wizard parents were killed by an evil one, the infant getting off with only a scar, his inborn wizard power very strong. Growing up in the English suburbs with his miserable uncle, aunt & cousin, he one day gets an invitation to attend the Hogwart School for young wizards. This magical place which runs pretty much like a regular school (except for its castle location and classes ranging from broom flying to spells) is filled with mystery and fun. A dark presence, however, looms, which send our hero and his two friends into a world of adventure and danger. Based on the highly popular J.K. Rowling books, the filmed version pays great attention to detail and maintains a fun sense of humour. This is by far not the last of the Harry Potter films, I can assure you, and young and old can get into its magical world without feeling compromised in both their sense of belief or their adult stature.
4 / B
- PB
…the 2nd opinion in Afrikaans…
HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE
Met Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson, Robbie Coltrane, Richard Harris
Regisseur: Chris Columbus
Nes die Lord Of The Rings titel aan vele bekend is, het die meerderheid dit nog nooit eens so ver gegaan as om die omslag te bekyk nie. Wanneer dit by Harry Potter kom is ek een so 'n skuldige. My verskoning is ten minste dat dit op 'n jonger leesgroep gemik is(!). Harry Potter is natuurlik die seun van 'n towenaar/waarsêer paartjie wat deur 'n bose mag verwoes is en toe as baba by sy oom en tante gelaat is sonder enige wete van sy enorme krag en aanleg vir hierdie kuns…Totdat hy jare later as vroeë tiener gehaal word om die Hogwart skool vir jong towenaars by te woon waar sy avontuur waarlik op dreef kom. Uit sy dood gewone voorstad lewe word die ongelukkige Harry skielik deel van 'n wêreld vol wonder, pret en plesierige bonatuurlikheid. Terwyl Hogwarts soos 'n gewone skool verloop (wat klasse, dissipline en sport insluit), is dit alles behalwe konvensioneel. Gesetel in 'n wonderlike kasteel omring met berge en mere, bied die lokasie alreeds 'n anderwêreldse atmosfeer wat wel met die lewe soos ons dit ken geïntegreer is. Dit is vanselfsprekend dat die bose mag deur wie se vingers Harry as baba geglip het weer sal opduik, en saam met 'n geheim wat ons held en sy twee nuwe beste vriende probeer uitsnuffel, is dit die hoof tema buiten die pretbelaaide ondervindinge soos besemvlieg klasse en 'n reuse vratagtige paaiboelie wat in die skool losgelaat is. Al die elemente word goed toegepas, van humor en aksie tot gevaar en spanning. Visueel is Harry Potter 'n oorvloeiende ervaring propvol opwindende, betowerende en mal effekte wat 'n baie groot deel uitmaak van die fliek se aantreklikheid. Wanneer dit kom by die verborge kunste en dinge soos towerspreuke en brousels wat op 'n magiese manier die omgewing en gebeure beïnvloed, word party mense 'n bietjie emosioneel (gewoonlik vanuit 'n religieuse oogpunt) met die boosheid wat daaraan gekoppel kan word bemoei (soos die stereotipiese aaklige heks wat net kwaad doen). Hoewel dit in Harry Potter ook duidelik gemaak word dat hierdie magte vir goeie dade gebruik moet word, is dit moeilik om die negatiewe aanwending daarvan te verhoed - dalk nes godsdienstige oortuiginge wat uiteenlopend 'n goeie uitgangspunt het, maar net so maklik gebruik kan word om chaos te saai? Terwyl die ouer gaarde Harry Potter net so veel soos die jonger kykers kan geniet, was dit 'n taamlike groot kans om die baie lang looptyd te handhaaf, maar met soveel storie elemente, gebeure, grappe en effekte, slaag die rolprentmakers daarin om ons aandag meeste van die tyd vas te nael. Wanneer 'n wenresep soos hierdie raakgeslaan word (en binne die openingsnaweek in Amerika alleen amper 'n biljoen Rand ingebring het!) is dit vanslefsprekend dat elkeen van die boeke vir die wye doek aangepas sal word - en, soos met 007, selfs na al die geskrewe stof uitgeput is. Dit het so maklik geword om lees uit ons daaglikse aktiwiteite te skakel met radio, TV en rolprent. Nes diegene wat die Lord Of The Rings trilogie gaan kyk sonder dat die boeke gelees is, kan hierdie pretbelaaide verfilmde weergawe van Harry Potter ook heelwat kykers prikkel en aanspoor om die literêre wêreld van hierdie nuwe jong held te gaan ondersoek.
4 / B
- Pablo Priest

HARVARD MAN
With Adrien Grenier, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Joey Lauren Adams, Eric Stoltz
Directed by James Toback
What seems like a typically boring college / university teen flick turns out to be quite an interesting movie. A young Harvard student gets involved with both a girl whose mob dad lends him money as well as his female lecturer. He's a basketball player and in exchange he's asked to throw a game to cover his debt. Besides the FBI also getting wind of it all, he seeks an expansion of his consciousness, dropping hardcore acid to find it. The latter experiment very well replicated. An oddly enjoyable piece of cinema that veers away from the norm.
5 / B
- PB

HAUNTED MANSION
With Eddie Murphy, Terence Stamp, Jennifer Tilly, Marsha Thomason
Directed by Rob Minkoff
Those of us who'd never been to Disneyland would not have experienced the variety of theme rides and shows the place has to offer. With Pirates Of The Caribbean based on one such event hot off the circuit, another one hits the screen. Eddie Murphy heads the Evers family, ambitious estate agents. They detour a family getaway to check out an old valuable piece of property in New Orleans. As the very cryptic title may suggest, this is no ordinary house. The story borrows liberally from Bram Stoker's Dracula tale with Mrs. Evers becoming the fixation of the home owner whose love was killed. Expect plenty of running and screaming as the family gets split up, encountering a range of spooks. The scares are hardly heart stopping, but Rick Baker's zombie moments might give some viewers the creeps, while others may find the lukewarm humour frightening. Murphy overplays it, Stamp hams it up as the eerie butler, Tilly squeaks as the disembodied gypsy and the kids (especially the girl) are annoying wise-ass brats. Yet, all in all it's a blast for the youngsters, but pretty much like a fun-ride, forgotten when it's over.
2 / C
- PB

HEAD OF STATE
With Chris Rock, Bernie Mac, Dylan Baker, Robin Givens
Directed by Chris Rock
Controversial stand-up comedian Rock ventures into the directing realm with this Ali G style feature effort. Ali G in the respect that an unlikely guinea pig gets the chance to make a difference in the highest office (as in Ali G Inda House). Mays Washington is a small time politician concerned with his small constituency, but he's pretty much powerless. He becomes the guinea pig of some big guns who need a presidential candidate sure to lose. Obviously he becomes more popular than they expected and he gets there with a lot of wisecracking, Black clichés and so-so laughs. With a bit of a weak prerequisite romantic angle thrown in and some race-relations prominent, Head Of State is average comedy with not enough oomph to get you excited about the upcoming elections.
2 / C
- PB

HEART - The Road Home
For most people the first thing that comes to mind with the mention of the group Heart is their rock track Baracuda. The Wilson sisters, Ann & Nancy started their love for music at a very young age, so they had a lot of practice to get to their level of songwriting. This DVD captures their acoustic show at the Moore Theatre on their Seattle home turf. Yes, Baracuda is included (without the electrified guitars). Ann's severe expansion over the years has had no effect on her great voice as substantiation in songs like River, Alone, These Dreams, Seasons, Love Alive, All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You, Mistral Wind, Love Hurts, Crazy On You and The Road Home. Some Seattle Symphony members join at certain points for that added warmth. Ex-Led Zeppelin John Paul Jones had a big hand in the arrangement & production assistance process. Crazy On You is also performed on the Jay Leno show and The Road Home on Later With Greg Kinnear, while an EPK gives the viewer some perspectives from the sisters' side.
3 / C
- PB

HEDWIG & THE ANGRY INCH
With John Cameron Mitchell, Miriam Shor, Michael Pitt
Directed by John Cameron Mitchell
What an absolute pleasure! Based on an off-Broadway show - I stand corrected, this gritty but glammy "biopic of an unattained star" is the best musical of the year - without a shred of a doubt. The life of Hedwig, an ex-Berlin national who escaped The Wall and traveled to the US (becoming a singer and glam-bomb extraordinaire with a penchant for hectic blonde wigs), is told in song music and vivid imagery. The sad, gruesome, touching and glittering story is told while he (or it, having had a botched sex-change operation) is on tour, shadowing a popular rock star who seemed to have stolen Hedwig's ideas.

HEAVEN
With Cate Blanchet, Giovanni Ribisi, Remo Girone, Mattia Sbragia
Directed by Tom Tykwer
Giovanni Ribisi and Cate Blanchet leads this beautifully different love story about a woman who blows up the wrong victims in Italy, a drug dealer her actual target. She is arrested and retains her right to be interrogated in her native tongue. The young translator at the police station falls for her and he makes a decision which takes them on a physical and emotional journey, dramatically impacting on both their lives. The European art-house mood gives the film an entirely different perspective than if it were set in the States. Really well worth checking out if you want to experience a tense romantic drama with a difference. Sensitively written and carefully directed with great performances by the two leads (the bit players also adding fine turns).
5 / C
- PB

HE GOT GAME
With Denzel Washington, Milla Jovovich
Directed by Spike Lee
Enthralling film focussing on a star basketball player, Jesus Shuttlesworth and his choice of which post graduate institution of higher learning he’d be attending. All the sharks come in, from family to bribing agents who try to affect his choice, mostly for their own financial gain, all claiming it’s mertely because they care and love him and that it’s going to be the “biggest and most important choice of his life”. His father is is doing time in jail for accidentally killing his wife. His son never forgave him. The warden says he’d get him out sooner if he convinced Jesus to join his old alma mater of Big State University. For this purpose they slip him out of the back door of the Attica penitentiary to go and see his son and try to convince him. No easy feat if Jesus won’t even call him his father. Not just an exhibition of slow-motion slam-dunks, but a rich African-American tale of choices, justice, exploitation, greed and family. Quite an eye-opener for those who know little of what goes on in college basketball and the NBA - it’s ins, outs and multi-million dollar stakes. Visually striking with a wonderful, emotionally stirring soundtrack.
5 / B
- PB

HE KNOWS YOU’RE ALONE
With Don Scardino, Caitlin O’Heaney, Tom Hanks
Directed by Armand Mastroiani
With the stalking slasher genre in its infancy, this early 1980 attempt has more flaws than plus points. The soundtrack is a total Halloween rip-off and the predictable moments flood most scenes. Here the killer is after women due to be married (having gone nuts and killed his ex on her wedding day). A determined cop (who happened to be the killer’s ex husband to be) is after him, appearing just a few times to be thrown in again at the last minute (a single vague clue leading him there). The opening scene is quite cool, while many inadvertent laughs are scattered between (and during) murders. Tom Hanks is clearly the superior actor of the bunch here, being under utilized in a mere supporting role.
2 / C
- PB

HELLBOY
With Ron Perlman, Jon Hurt, Selma Blair
Directed by Guillermo del Toro
Guillermo del Toro impressed us with his stunning debut Cronos. After that his first big studio pic was Mimic and more recently the Blade sequel (at time of writing I haven't yet seen The Devil's Backbone). Much of the aforementioned flows into this highly stylish, sometimes gruesome flick. Since the second world war there has been a secret paranormal agency keeping evil forces at bay, kind of a mixture of the X-Men and Men In Black (hey, cool title that: X-Men In Black !). The main components of this team comprise our title character (a mean, huge red devil who chooses to file down his horns to try and fit in - hardly!), an aquaman, a pyro-chick and a regular human. The evil, immortal monk Rasputin worked with the Nazis to open a portal to unleash total annihilation on planet earth. The bastard resurfaces with his gang of freaks and the game is on. With great design, costumes, FX and pace, Hellboy is one heck of a ride, Ron Perlman looking comfortable in his red make-up job. With its comic book appeal and hyper elements, there are a few downsides, like the often-crappy one-liners - but as a whole, Hellboy is one entertaining blast.
4 / B
- PB

HELLO MARY LOU - PROM NIGHT II
With Lisa Schrage, Michael Ironside
Directed by Bruce Pittman
Late ‘80’s horror movies didn’t only swing around the stale (but thrillingly cheezy) slasher genre, sometimes they tried something different. This doesn’t mean they succeeded, though. Not having seen part one of this little setup, it doesn’t seem as if there’s much relation (besides mayhem on prom night). In 1957, Mary Lou (the school slut), infuriated her boyfriend Bill by cheating with his friend Buddy. This has him throw a stink bomb at her as she’s crowned prom queen. Her dress ignites and she’s burnt to a crisp. It’s 30 years later and Mary Lou is resurrected, possessing the body of a young prom queen hopeful. Bill now happens to be school principal and Buddy a priest. Both are haunted by that night. Now the haunting is real as people start dying in all sorts of interesting ways. Laughable in so many ways, but in no ways giving the horror film credibility.
1 / C
- PB

HELMUT LOTTI - From Russia With Love
Helmut Lotti will never be as suave as James Bond, but I'm sure he gets his share of groupies (albeit older divorcees). His middle-aged appeal is a lot like that of BZN - not ultra-hip, but damn popular. This incredible trip through Russia is in fact a great tourism video for this vast and amazing country. Helmut lets rip with a variety of Russian based songs (half in the native language), each in a different breathtaking location. The 14 traditional and well-known tunes are well executed by this Belgian who has many fans in South Africa. Besides the full TV special (including the Russian National Anthem in several locations) you also get to view a making of Road Movie - in many ways more fascinating than the show itself!
4 / C
- PB

HE TOUCHED ME - The Gospel Music of ELVIS PRESLEY
This enlightening twin disc focuses on a side of the King Of Rock & Roll that most people thought were cashing-in tactics. Mr Presley in fact had a very close affinity when it came to gospel music. His roots were firmly settled in the Southern gospel music of quartets like The Statesmen and the Blackwood Brothers. This eye-opening 3-hour documentary doesn't resort to sensationalism as close friends and associates tell it like it is. This side of Elvis is one even some of his hardened fans are not quite aware of. Elvis was very close to his mother and her affinity for gospel music spilled over into her son. Her death was a great blow to him and this and other facts about his life come to the fore as we take a semi-chronological tour of the man's career from the gospel (as opposed to Rock & Roll) perspective. Never before seen footage, photographs & historic details serve as a fascinating supplement to the incredible story of this global idol. Featuring over 30 of the man's gospel recordings, you finally realise just how special this music was to him and that it was his form of worship - while the uninitiated saw him as a threat to the morals of the world! Interesting bits come out like how he would use every chance he could, be it at home, back stage or on a film set, to sit down and sing gospel songs with people (usually friends and his permanent back-up singers). As well as insisting against producers' protest on singing Peace In The Valley for his mother on the Ed Sullivan Show. Other fascinating details include the fact that the only 3 Grammies Elvis ever won were for spiritual numbers. Veteran journalist Sander Vanocur presents this amazing documentary with an abundance of home movie clips, live footage and interviews. Here you are bound to find out some things about Elvis you never realised, even if you thought you knew all there is to know about him. Some of the songs include How Great Thou Art, Peace In The Valley (his mom's favourite), In The Ghetto, Why My Lord, Stand By Me, Amazing Grace, His Hand In Mine, He Touched Me and more. From Tupelo to Graceland, Elvis Presley, the survivor of twins not only changed Rock & Roll and gospel music forever, but the lives of millions - and here is another prominent perspective on his life story that didn't get as much publicity but meant more to him than what he became famous for.
5 / B
- PB

HIGH CRIMES
With Ashley Judd, Morgan Freeman, Jim Caviezel, Amanda Peet
Directed by Carl Franklin
A happily married couple (trying to get a baby - for added sympathy) have their lives torn apart when the husband is arrested by the FBI for being on the run for years, wanted for war crimes. Conveniently the wife is a successful lawyer and she decides to head his defense, along with the rookie military lawyer appointed to defend him (who would most likely have lost the case, which holds a death sentence). The judge is a tough one, so she needs someone who knows about the military court. That man is good ol' Morgan Freeman. Besides fighting for her husband's freedom, she also struggles with not being sure whether she really knows who he actually is. He claims that another one of the officers killed all those civilians in El Salvador. Along the way verbal and physical threats become dangerous as they clutch at evidence, which may prove his innocence - interesting though how after threats of death with firearms, beatings and other life threatening situations, our tough lawyer still lives alone in a house with her sister. No beefed up security - not even a gate! Throw in Morgan's possible return to his drinking problem, the scar faced soldier her husband accuses of being the actual shooter and an annoying stereotyped younger sister and you have enough ingredients to keep many viewers happy. Just a pity that your suspicions of the conclusion end up being right…
3 / C
- PB

A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
With Viggo Mortensen, Ed Harris, William Hurt
Directed by David Cronenberg
At first glance one feels as though this Cronenberg film is a serious departure from his underlying themes of biological reconstruction and his own "body horror" genre. But on closer inspection it is in fact there. Based on a graphic novel as opposed to spawned from Cronenberg's brilliant brain, Mortensen plays a small town coffee shop owner who thwarts two killers trying to rob them by shooting both with their own guns. He becomes a hero and is splashed all over the news. Soon after, a big city gangster arrives alleging he's someone he's not. The harassment becomes life threatening and results in death. The question whether he really is the regular guy or the ruthless killer trying to live a new life also becomes a serious issue with his wife and kids. Other questions of instinct, biological predisposition, genetic hereditary traits, truth, denial, mistaken identity and self-preservation all get funneled into this tensely wound powder keg. In the light of living organisms in an ecosystem affecting others, changing events and courses with actions that are irreversible, it is a fascinating study of the possibility / impossibility of a human being to alter his identity, erasing another and totally morphing into a new mode that becomes his reality. Or is it all just one big mistake with grave consequences? A far cry from early gory Cronenberg classics like Shivers and Scanners, but still proof that he is the best director Canada has spawned.
5 / B
- PB

HITCH
With Will Smith, Eva Mendes, Kevin James, Amber Valetta, Adam Arkin
Directed by Andy Tennant
Smith takes time out from action-hero mode for a bit of a romantic comedy. He plays an undercover professional romance expert who steers men into the right direction to win the hearts of the women they're in love with. The swollen Mendes is a tabloid reported who's trying to find the identity of this mysterious guy. Kevin James is the bloated klutz whose sights are set way out of the stratosphere and becomes a challenge for our relationship expert. While on the expanding subject, Smith also gets inflated in a pretty funny moment where he has an allergic reaction to some food… Anyway, obviously Smith and Mendes hook up and the predictable conflict comes when she finds out he's the guy. Oh, stop complaining, it's not like you didn't know that would happen. With a blend of semi-sweet and semi-slapstick humour and romance, you sit through passable and sometimes funny scenarios that can get spoiled when the filmmakers pelt a stupid piece at you that slithers down badly. This fast-food comedy is a sure thing for Smith and King Of Queens fans, but I still fail to see the appeal in Mendes.
2 / C
- PB

THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
With Martin Freeman, Mos Def, Sam Rockwell, Zooey Deschanel, Warwick Davis, Bill Nighy, Helen Mirren, Stephen Fry, John Malkovich, the voice of Alan Rickman
Directed by Garth Jennings
The first chapter in the crazy Douglas Adams series finally makes its way to the big screen. For hardcore fans fearing his text being manipulated or his themes being twisted - don't panic - most of you can rest assured that this pretty damn close visual facsimile of the man's work is safe. Arthur Dent, a bland little Englishman finds himself in the middle of a mind-warping adventure as his house is about to be demolished. Ford Prefect, his friend of many years, actually happens to be an alien and whisks him off into outer space (seeing as the entire planet earth is in fact being eliminated!). Their adventure lies at the heart of the film's title device, which zips you from one part of the galaxy to another, and the far-reaching consequences of things we may find mundane. From here they encounter everything from the Vogons to Marvin the depressed robot, Trillian and the lunatic two-headed Zaphod Beeblebrox. The mad humour and unique philosophical viewpoints from the various wacky characters they encounter obviously plays a large role in the essence of the story, and was not diluted for the film version as our characters try to figure out what the hell is going on. This is no Star Wars or 2001: A Space Odyssey, but a whole new experience with a British humour slant. While it took decades to get this movie made, the advancement in digital special effects and animation has made many things possible which would not have worked as well even ten years ago. Adams' imagination gets visualized with tact and humour. The question now remains if the rest of the series will get made - and if box office receipts will dictate its viability.
PS. Having never read the book after many years of intending, I made a point of finishing it before watching the movie (as I failed in the case of the movie versions of Lord Of The Rings, which made reading its source writing pretty much impossible if you're partial to your own imagination creating the worlds on paper).
PSS. The movie also features additional Vogon voices by The League Of Gentlemen.
PSSS. Comes complete with So Long And Thanks For All The Fish theme song.
4 / B
- PB

HOLLYWOOD PARADE
With The Three Stooges
Directed by n/a
Crazy collection of Three Stoogessituations ranging from a court room scene and get-married-to-claim-inheritance scenarios. Mad, funny and stupid all rolled into one.
3 / B
- PB

MONTY PYTHON and the HOLY GRAIL
With Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, Michael Palin
Directed by Terry Gilliam & Terry Jones
This first full length Monty Python feature made in 1975 is still as crazy, wild, wacky and silly as ever. These six nutters have carved a magnificent British mark on the world comedy map (even though one of them, director and animator Terry Gilliam, is American!). Never before has the world seen such a madcap take on the Holy Grail myth of King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table. The double disc presentation is jam packed with amazing extras that include a location trip and reminiscence by Michael Palin and Terry Jones. The directors' commentary results in more laughs (with the rest of the Pythons throwing comments into the mix). An educational film in cheesy 50's / 60's BBC TV style has Michael Palin illustrate How To Use Your Coconuts (for the uninitiated, they use coconuts for hoof soundFX in stead of real horses). Watch an 18-minute location documentary from 1974 or use the weblinks to access more Monty Python stuff. Sing-Along songs, notes and promotional material as well as a Lego version of the Camelot song are included. Not to mention "subtitles for people who don't like the film" and the Follow The Killer Rabbit portion that needs to be clicked when he appears during the feature for extra info. Theatrical trailers and individual character profiles plus more ad to the festivities. An amazing supplementary package. From the coconut horse sounds to the knights who say "Ni!" and all the weirdness in between, this classic low budget spectacle remains an essential one for the DVD collection - just like all the other Monty Python films!
5 / A
- PB

HOLY SMOKE
With Harvey Keitel, Kate Winslet
Directed by Jane Campion
An Australian girl travels to India on a backpacking holiday and gets mesmerized by a powerful, charismatic guru. Her family is distraught, thinking she’d been drugged into a false sense of enlightenment and lure her back home under false pretenses. Keitel is the expert who re-programs people in her situation (at a price). In the three days he requires, his emotions get caught up in the whirlwind that is Winslet. Their individual strengths are dearly challenged. The mind games and crumbling barrier between spiritual and physical, professionalism and lust (maybe even love) leads to no good. Campion, the director of The Piano, knows how to expose the human condition and again does so with this film while at the same time exploring cultural clashes and the power of spirituality and physicality at the close of the millennium.
4 / C
- PB

HOLLOWMAN
With Kevin Bacon, Elizabeth Shue, Josh Brolin, Kim Dickens
Directed by Paul Verhoeven
This take on the invisible man is a tad disappointing, fantastic FX not withstanding. Bacon is the head of a secretive invisibility experiment funded by the military. Without their knowing, he and his team (including an ex-lover and her new squeeze) embark on the first human test, the gorilla pre-test successfully executed. When the formula to bring him back fails, he becomes obsessed and leaves the confines of the underground lab to get up to mischief, which leads to mayhem. Soon nobody’s safe as his new state elevates him to that of a god. Well paced with that Verhoeven look to it, yet lacking that visceral impact he does so well.
3 / B
- PB

THE HONEYMOONERS
With Cedric The Entertainer, Mike Epps, Gabriel Union, John Leguizamo, Regina Hall
Directed by John Shultz
Based on the characters of the classic Jacky Gleason comedy TV show, this follows a similar switch as the racial remake of the lame Guess Who? Ralph Cramden is a bus driver always scheming with moneymaking plans. His dummy upstairs neighbour Norton, works in the sewers and the two of them try to keep their women happy in their dodgy apartments. When a bargain of a duplex comes on the market that they can share, they come up short in matching the asking price - Ralph having lost the savings with another harebrained money scheme. Time is running out and they have to make a plan, resulting in using a dog they found in a dumpster to race for cash. The banter between Ralph and Norton feels like a grown-up (but still immature) Keenan & Kel. A few laughs here and there, but ultimately forgettable, cheesy entertainment. No amount of extra features will boost this beyond its lame status (unless some original hammy Honeymooners episodes get included).
2 / C
- PB

HOTEL RWANDA
With Don Cheadle, Sophie Okonedo, Nick Nolte, Xolani Mali, Hakeem Kae-Kazim, Desmond Dube, Joaquin Phoenix
Directed Terry George
The shocking genocide in Rwanda between the Hutu and Tutsi tribes left millions dead, most hacked to death. This true story follows the life of Paul Rusesabagina during this horrendous period. A hotel manager for a European hotel group, he not only went out of his way to keep his family safe (married to the "wrong" woman), but also risked his life for hundreds of strangers, allowing them to stay in the hotel protected by a few UN soldiers. The politics, corruption, conniving and savagery of human beings are displayed here in all of its vile glory. Shot in Southern Africa, many local actors and crew became part of this international nominated movie. While not winning any of the big ones, its Oscar® nominations were well deserved.
5 / C
- PB

HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS
With Ziyi Zhang, Takeshi Kaneshiro, Andy Lau, Dandan Song
Directed by Zhang Yimou
Zhang Yimou's sweeping historic martial arts action-drama is a visually marvelous experience in the vein of Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. One of the leads, the lovely Ziyi Zhang also starred in the aforementioned as well as Rush Hour2 with Jackie Chan and Zhang Yimou's previous epic effort, Hero (with Jet Li). Here she plays a blind dancer who is an undercover member of the rebel force House Of Flying Daggers. She's out to assassinate a high-ranking officer in the government. She is captured and the intriguing story is kick-started when the ruling officials contrive a rescue to have her lead them to their enemies. A stylish cinematic experience with great battles, choreography, passion and an incredible finale.
5 / B
- PB

HOUSE OF SAND AND FOG
With Jennifer Connolly, Ben Kingsley, Ron Eldard
Directed by Vadim Perelman
This cinematic installment is hardly a joyous event, but a compelling drama nonetheless. Kathy Lazaro (Connolly) unjustly loses her house due to her neglect and a technicality. An ex-Iranian general (Massoud Amir Behrani played by Kinglsey), buys it on auction to supply his family with a step closer to what they had on the Caspian sea when things were still hunky dory under the Shah. In the wake of her determination to get her house back (inherited from her father who worked his ass off for it) and the headstrong rigid family man who feels it is rightfully theirs, things systematically get ugly to the point of chaos. As I said, not a feel-good family flick, the focus strongly on serious peformances. Based on the bestseller by Andre Dubus III.
4 / C
- PB

THE HILLS HAVE EYES
With Dee Wallace, Susan Lamer, Robert Houston, Russ Grieve
Directed by Wes Craven
In the vein of senseless Texas Chainsaw Massacre themes of a twisted family terrorizing unsuspecting victims out of their depth, this 1977 cult favourite is way up there. A family on an outing in the desert becomes the victims of a crazy group of kin who abduct, rob and kill passers-by. Primal survival instincts have to kick in to stay alive, even if it means becoming as savage as the perpetrators. On a tiny budget, Craven managed to create a classic by utilizing competent to good actors to the full, and merging their performances with moments of tension and terror. The only downside (like many Sam Peckinpah and Dario Argento movies) is the bright opaque blood that looks more like paint. The Hills Have Eyes sequel was appalling, but this original has now been remade for the 2000s.
4 / B
- PB

HOUSE OF WAX
With Elisha Cuthbert, Chad Michael Murray, Brian Van Holt, Jared Padalecki, Paris Hilton
Directed by Jaume Collet-Serra
The horror remake barrage keeps a comin'. With pretty much just the knocking off technique of encasing victims in hot wax being the only similarity with the Vincent Price original from 1953, the makers went for a mood and tone reflected in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake. A bunch of teens on their way to a football game camp out in the woods. In the night one of their cars are sabotaged. They meet up with a hick who drives two of them to the nearby town - the rest of them heading to the game. But traffic has them turning back. In this semi-deserted town they find a house of wax. Soon the killers are on their trail, eager to turn them into eerie wax exhibits. With some cruel, bloody moments and creative deaths, the film plods through cheap scares with the odd cool scene. The melting wax building finale is the highlight, besides annoying bimbo Paris Hilton getting a pole through the head - I was surprise it didn't just slip through the existing hole she already has there!
2 / B
- PB

HOW TO DEAL
With Mandy Moore, Allison Janney
Directed by Clare Kilner
Based on two books by Sarah Dessen, this teen tale seems to cram a little too much crisis into one short space of time. Mandy Moore plays our heroine in a semi-dysfunctional suburban family. Her parents have just divorced, her dad has a young girlfriend and (as a radio DJ) still tries to act hip, her sister's getting married, her buddy falls pregnant, the school friend father dies... Amid all this she meets the unconventional guy - but she's disillusioned about love. Some sweet moments, medium humour (dope smoking granny) and a dose of teen angst get rolled into a ball of teenage dough, only really to be enjoyed by the age group it depicts - a far cry form classic teen flicks like The Breakfast Club.
3 / C
- PB

HOW TO GET AHEAD IN ADVERTISING
With Richard E. Grant, Rachel Ward
Dircted by Bruce Robinson
This worthy second effort re-unites Withnail & I's Robinson and Grant, this time tackling the world of advertising. A brilliant ad-man gets a sudden bout of conscience while working on an ad for boil cream. In between his strange behaviour he starts to develop a boil on his collarbone area. The boil keeps on growing, until one morning, it speaks to him! This boil is intent on taking over his life and restoring his carnivorous old self. A great character study, blurring the line between psychosis and reality. It also makes you reconsider the ad fluff we're fed on a regular basis via all media possible.
5 / B
- PB

THE HUDSUCKER PROXY
With Tim Robbins, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Paul Newman, Charles Durning, John Mahony, Bruce Campbell
Directed by Joel Coen
Never before has a big business film been so funny, so weird or so creatively put together. A big corporation head commits suicide. The new man devises a stock con plan and our unwitting ideas man (working in the mail room) gets stuck in the middle. Absolutely amazing '92 movie with a rich '50s retro "big city" style that excels on almost every facet of the film-making process.
6 / A
- PB

HULK
With Eric Bana, Nick Nolte
Directed by Ang Lee
What the hell? Ang Lee? I guess weirder things have happened. Another of the classic Stan Lee Marvel comic book heroes gets the big screen treatment with Aussie actor Eric Bana in the lead. He is an adopted son whose biological father (an obsessed scientist) passed his human tests onto his new born baby. Not remembering his parents, his past and physical inheritance come back to haunt him. When a nuclear driven experiment in his university lab goes wrong, our not-yet-hero starts to undergo changes (whereas the accident should've killed him). His father returns with more than mere fatherly intentions. On top of this the work they'd been doing at the lab is generating serious interest in military circles. The main change our young man experiences is when he gets angry - his body bulges and expands into a virtually indestructible vessel of aggression, green in shade and hardcore in intent. Emotional elements are in abundance, from coming to grips with his past, his father, his emotion driven "problem" and his ex girlfriend. His romantic interest just happens to be the girl whose father put his dad away. For starters, at least the subject is more serious than the crap it could've been, still no reason for them to stretch the running time. Yes I know, it's comic book fare, but The Hulk's size is a bit too much though, making the little bit of believability totally far fetched - not to mention the ridiculous stretch fabric his pants need to be made of (usually purple as well). The action sequences are explosive, but the over-creative transitions and multi-panel screens may lean towards the comic strip it's taken from, but gets too much, feeling like a flashy Y2K TV show. A nice touch has Stan Lee and Hulk TV star Lou Ferigno do a walk on cameo - a yay for the fans. Animal lovers will not be too keen on some of the lab scenes. Ang Lee…oh well….guess the paycheck was nothing to sniff at.
2 / C
- PB

THE HUNTED
With Tommy Lee Jones, Benicio Del Toro, Connie Nielsen
Directed by William Friedkin
Aaron Hallam (Del Toro) is a highly trained special-forces soldier whose killing for his country has seriously affected him. When hunters in the Pacific Northwest start turning up dead, the tact and methods point to more than a random act. An expert is called in to track him. Jones plays L.T. Bonham, the retired nature-man who actually trained Hallam. The manhunt takes them from the forest into the city as the renegade constantly gets the slip. Hardly mind-blowing, director Friedkin has made some crackers like The Exorcist and To Live And Die In L.A., but this is the kind of uninspired action-thriller that any unknown director could've made. . The lead players' Oscar status (and statues) do little to boost its effect.
2 / C
- PB

THE HURRICANE
With Denzel Washington, Viscellous Reon Shannon, Deborah Kara Unger, John Hannah, Liev Schreiber, Dan Hedaya
Directed by Norman Jewison
Bob Dylan wrote a song about him, famous people protested, but even after two appeals, Rubin “Hurricane” Carter remained behind bars. With a turbulent life, growing up fighting for everything, Carter became a boxer with great promise. But when he got accused of murdering some white people (with inadequate evidence and missing testimony) during the racially charged USA of the late ‘60’s, it seemed as if no one would hear Carter’s plight of innocence. While incarcerated for several years, a young black man taken under the wing of a group of white Canadians (taking it upon themselves to get him educated) bought his first book. Rubin “Hurricane” Carter’s book he wrote in jail. He is fascinated and they start to correspond, eventually moving there with the Canadians to try and re-fight his case, not leaving unless he’s free, with them. After a few decades it seemed hopeless, but determination bears fruit. This incredible miscarriage of justice in the land of the free is a remarkable testimony to those who refuse to give up. Quite lengthy, but with so much to say, the film touches on everything from human strength and the urge to survive, the search for truth, prejudice from all sides, hope and triumph. Washington is great as Carter, winning a Golden Globe and got nominated for an Oscar. Unger is so unbelievably mesmerizing, regardless of the fact that since seeing her in Crash, I believe she is a goddess placed on earth to forgive my sins. Still, I won’t digress. The film would play like an over-dramatic mini-series to many, but knowing it’s based on fact, rips you right out of that mindset. The fight scenes are adequately staged (but no Raging Bull contender). The final fight for Hurricane’s freedom (and court case) is a drop in the bucket as the film focuses on Carter’s withdrawal from the world into his mind and the relationship built between him and the young man who wouldn’t lose faith in him. It proves that there is hope and that sometimes we don’t choose books, but that they sometimes pick us.
4 / C
- PB